Relationships are great at the beginning. You meet, get to know each other, fall in love, have fun, enjoy life. Then out of nowhere…OOPS…you have a baby. Your relationship will never be quite the same again. The romance will have to take a back seat whilst you spend your days with sick on your shirt and bags under your eyes. I’m going to take you through some of the inevitable changes that will develop after you throw a baby into the mix.
Date night, aka Baby-Free Night. You dump the baby on the grandparents and head out into the wilderness. You are free for a couple of hours. What to do? Where to go? You fix yourself up and attempt to cover up the tiredness to be allowed back into society. Then head to your favourite restaurant that haven’t seen you for so long they were contemplating sending out a search party. You sit down at a table and look around, trying to work out how the child-free humans interact with each other, it’s been so long! Right…let’s not talk about the baby tonight, we have a night off. 10 minutes later…I’m just going to ring to see how he’s doing. Okay he’s still alive, I can relax now. After wolfing down 3 courses in a fear of having someone disrupting your dinner by putting their hand in it you head back. Tonight was nice, we should do it again in another 6 months.
Before having a baby, we could make plans anytime we wanted. There was nothing stopping us. Now it requires two months of planning and a full itinerary of everything you need. Finding a babysitter is the first challenge. If you can’t find a babysitter then you can forget any plans that are made after 7pm. That time is specifically reserved for sitting next to the baby monitor listening to our child sleep. People will ask you…”So when are you next free?” Hang on I’ll check the diary…yeah I don’t think we are free until June next year. When you do finally make plans to do out, you end up spending the whole time wishing you were back at home.
Dressing To Impress
In that early stage of the relationship, it was all about looking your very best. Wearing nice clothes, showering just before you went out, and smelling like a full bottle of aftershave. There was a constant worry of ‘I hope my hair still looks okay’ and ‘I hope my armpits don’t smell like B.O’. After living together for over a year and then having a baby, you’ll be lucky to catch each other not wearing scruffs or pyjamas. As for the smell, well as long as you smell just a little bit cleaner than your partner then that’s a win! Your standards start to drop considerably. “I see your wearing jeans and a top that don’t have snot stains on…that’s pretty sexy”. For that annual date night I was telling you about, you see a completely different side to your partner that you almost forget about. You almost become unrecognisable to each other once you are dressed up. “Oh sorry, I was actually waiting for the tired looking women who sings baby shark on repeat”.
‘Special’ Cuddle Time
Believe it or not, once you’ve made a baby, you actually go back and do ‘the deed’ again (sorry mum). Even with the knowledge of what can happen when your partner’s protection magically decides to stop working. This despite the conversation you had during childbirth when she screams at you that you are never putting that thing near her ever again. They always get over it eventually. When the times right to start enjoying each other in this way again, you expect it to go back to how it used to be. Spontaneous. Romantic. Candles flickering in the background with some sensual music playing. Forget them days. Those days are far behind you. What you can expect post baby, is a lot of disruption, very little romance and far too many embarrassing mishaps.
Before the baby, you’d make sure you looked the part. These days, you take the opportunities when they come, regardless of the physical state that you look. Instead of being greeted with sexy underwear, you find yourself face to face with a lovely pair of granny knickers. The most worrying part is, you still find that attractive. When the opportunity does present itself to you, you had better act fast. That window of opportunity will slam shut on your underused package at any moment. I believe that every baby is made with a built in radar system that detects any form of romance. They can be fast asleep, a motorbike can come racing past the window…nothing. The next door neighbour slams a door…nothing. I take off a sock…BANG! Wide awake. Fun time over. “This was fun…next time we should see if I can get that second sock off before he wakes up”.
Relationships change after you’ve had a baby and there’s nothing that you can do about it. That doesn’t mean that it needs to change for the worse. It takes dedication, patience and understanding to make it work. You will be tested and there will be times when you question whether it’s going to be okay. This is the moment where you make the decision. Do I make the extra effort to make it work? Or do I throw in the towel? The easy option would be the later. Relationships are hard though, and having a baby makes you realise that no family is perfect. There will be fights. There will be times when it all becomes too much. This is the time when you pull together as a couple. Don’t forget about the reason that you made a baby together in the first place.
If you would like to share your stories about how your relationship has changed after having a baby then feel free to get in contact.