So far, I have painted my relationship with Amy to be all rainbows and sunshine, but there is another side to our relationship which not many people get to see. It’s the side where Amy does the most craziest things ever! Things that most normal people would never even think to do. It’s time to prove to everybody why I gave my blog the name ‘My girlfriend is crazy!’ She might kill for me it, but hey she can’t do any more crazy shit than what she already does so why not.
1. Hide and Seek
So one of Amy’s favourite pastimes is to hide my phone whenever I leave the room. Some girls may steal their boyfriends’ phone to read their messages, my girlfriend steals my phone to hide and it and cause me as much inconvenience as possible. The usual time for my phone to go missing is at 11:30 at night when I’m just about to go to sleep.
Amy: What time is it?
Me: I don’t know
Amy: Will you check for me?
Me: #rolls over and reaches for phone# Right where have you hidden it this time?
There have been times when I have been searching around the room for my phone for a good 15 minutes only to find that Amy had hidden it in the most obvious place ever, like the laundry basket or under my pillow. The last thing I want to be doing at 11:30 at night is crawling round the bedroom trying to find my bloody phone.
Usually I wouldn’t mind Amy having my phone, I have nothing to hide and there isn’t anything interesting on there to nosy at. However, I’m very aware that she enjoys going onto my Facebook news feed and liking random people’s statuses! Not only does it make me look like a creepy stalker, but she later winds me up by asking why I’m liking other girl’s statuses like I’m up to no good.
2. Pushing My Button…Literally
Everybody has places on their body that they don’t like other people touching. Mine happens to be my bellybutton. Whether you have an innie or an outtie, it can be agreed that things just aren’t supposed to enter the bellybutton. It’s like the passage to your soul that must never be fiddled with. Amy on the other hand, does not share this view, and enjoys nothing more than sticking her finger into my soul passage at every opportunity. It completely grosses me out. I don’t know whether it’s a fetish of hers that she isn’t telling me about, or whether she just enjoys watching me squirm. Either way, I’m not a fan.
3. Kick Off
Now this is one that most guys around the world will sympathise with. If you have ever tried to watch a game of football on the TV on a Saturday afternoon with your missus then you will know exactly which direction this is heading. Amy is not a fan of football, and has no interest in becoming a fan any time soon. This however, does not stop her from making comments about every single detail that she can think of.
Amy: Why is that guy wearing different coloured shoes? Why has that guy got a stupid haircut? Why do they all spit on the grass, won’t that make it really slippy? Is he the goalkicker? Why are they all headbutting it when it’s called FOOTball?
Just let me watch the match in peace!! If you have no interest in football, why ask so many questions?! I think Amy just likes to punish me for watching so much of it. Or maybe she is just so bored that it’s a way of passing the time. I am quick to remind her at times like this, that I regularly sit through hours of bridal shows, quiz shows and One Born Every Minute in complete silence in order to not get told of for disturbing her.
4. Tying Me in Knots
This one, I’m pretty sure, is something that is unique to Amy, and I hope for the sake of every guy out there with a partner that nobody else has to suffer this. You’ve heard of stories where people have tied someone’s shoelaces together as a joke. Well Amy takes this joke to a whole new level. I had nipped out to the chippy which is only a 5 minute walk away, to get Amy her tea. I must stress here that I was going out for Amy’s benefit! I came home not long after to find her with a huge grin on her face, so I knew that I was in trouble. She’d obviously done something to make my life hell, but I couldn’t for the life of me work out what she had done. It was only when I went to put on my shoes the next day that I found this…
Who even does that?!!! This took me about 20 mins to get all the knots out, in which time I was late for work and extremely pissed off. It was a good job that I love her, because she drives me crazy at times.
I hope everybody can now see the pain that I am put through on a daily basis. I often get told that I deserve a medal for all the bellybutton pokes, tied together shoes and interrupted football matches I deal with. In all honesty though, I wouldn’t have it any other way. She’s a right pain in the arse, but she’s my pain in the arse. At least I’ll never be bored in this relationship.