Pregnancy

What To Expect When You’re Expecting – A Man’s Guide

When it comes to pregnancy, us guys have it pretty easy. Women have to go through weight gain, stretch marks, morning sickness and then after all that, push out a tiny human from their baby making passage. That’s tough work! However, it’s not always plain sailing for the guy either. There are many physical and emotional obstacles that we have to overcome along the way. Some obstacles that I personally didn’t even know existed until I was thrust into the pregnancy game. Here are a few examples of the challenges I have faced so far…

1. Lack of sleep

This is the one that is going to affect you the most, for both guys and girls. I can only imagine that this will be at its worst once the baby actually arrives, but even during pregnancy, this can be a killer! One of the reasons that I spend some days looking like a zombie is the amount of urinating that Amy does throughout the night. I mean, she seems to have turned into a human waterfall since becoming pregnant. I don’t understand where all the pee comes from.

I have recently bought Amy one of the pregnancy pillows that she had been badgering me for for ages. I had been told that it would make her more comfortable and improve her sleep. Seemed like the answer to all of our sleep problems. It certainly solved Amy’s sleep problem. I found her fast asleep in bed the first night that she had it. Perfect! I then saw the catch as soon as I attempted to get into bed myself. I’ll show you my problem….

Look at how much of the bed it takes up! I have to squeeze into that small space on the left and attempt to sleep. Not an easy task, especially when I attempt to roll over in my sleep and end up rebounding off the pillow. The amount of times I have rebounded and nearly ended up on the floor is ridiculous!

2. Not Having a Clue About Anything

As a first time father to be, I have absolutely no experience of pregnant women. I had no idea what a baby needs, no idea what to buy and no idea what pregnant women need. Admittedly, I’m pretty useless when it comes to being an adult and knowing information that is actually useful.

There was a time towards the beginning of the pregnancy when I had a mini breakdown, as I was sat in Amy’s living room with her and her mum. They were both discussing what things would be needed for the baby, listing off what felt like a hundred different items. I sat there with a puzzled look on my face wondering what the hell was going on. A particular name kept cropping up…Tommy Tippy. Who the hell was this Tommy Tippy guy and why was he going to be so involved with my baby?! Is he like a baby expert and was coming round to give us some advice? I was very confused. I later found out that TOMMEE TIPPEE was actually a company that produces baby equipment like prep machines and feeding bottles. I’m learning!

There are so many different things that a newborn baby needs. For an inexperienced first time father it can be a real eye opener! There’s muslin squares which are for putting over your shoulder when carrying the baby, so that you don’t get covered in sick…very useful! There’s also self inflating booster seats which I didn’t know existed. I even found a breastfeeding storage bag and a pack of nipple pads in the cupboard…wasn’t really sure how to react to this discovery so just put them back down and chuckled to myself about how clueless I really am about this pregnancy.

3. Nauseousness

It’s common knowledge that during pregnancy, women will often experience sickness and nauseousness. It has also become common knowledge to me that the one thing that seems to make Amy feel nauseous is the smell of my breath in the morning. We wake up in the morning and turn to each other in a loving and affectionate way, only for Amy to blurt out…”Sorry I need to turn the other way, your breath smells”…Wow, thanks! That’s just what you want to hear first thing in the morning! I bring this up like it’s a new problem, but Amy has been telling me I have stinky morning breath since day one. It’s just now I seem to knock her physically sick with it, which is always a nice thing to do to your partner.

4. Carrying The Heavy Stuff

Now that we know that the baby is in there, there’s no more heavy lifting for the pregnant lady! It’s time for her to sit back relax and watch me struggle trying to carry a hundred shopping bags at once. So far during this pregnancy, I have needed to step up as a man as well as a boyfriend. For example, I have successfully hung up some pictures in the living room, which requires hammering a few nails into the wall…I felt so manly though! “Man has successfully used hammer!” Considering that I am probably the least manly guy you will ever meet, this was an achievement and some well needed man points.

Even though it is now my job to do all the hard work around the house, I still catch Amy cleaning when she shouldn’t be. I could hear some strange noises coming from the bathroom one day, noises that sounded like she was giving birth right there and then. Either that or she was struggling to make a large deposit. I walked in to find that Amy had cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom! I told her off and made her sit down. Cleaning the bathroom, how dare she!! Unacceptable behaviour.

5. Emotions

Every guy knows that women can become rather emotional during pregnancy. It’s the hormones, it’s not their fault! We just have to accept that they are going to turn into a blubbering mess at the smallest of things. Amy recently watched a documentary about World War 2, which sounds like a reasonable programme to get emotional about. There’s plenty of things that could have set her off. She managed to get all the way to the end of the show without crying, until it came to the part about the war dogs that were killed. That was it then! Another example is one that thankfully I was not present for. Amy came home one day from work and announced that she had been listening to Michael Buble’s ‘Just Haven’t Met You Yet’ song in the car, and had burst into tears. My reaction was just disbelief that quite an upbeat song could have such an emotional affect.

6. Moments of Amusement

Pregnancy is tough work for everyone, but there are certain moments that bring a smile to my face. My particular favourite is when Amy attempts to get up from a lying down position. Because of her increasingly growing bump, she finds it rather difficult to get up. Rather than use her arms for leverage, she decides to wriggle and get stuck halfway. This is usually the highlight of my day, as she looks like a turtle that is stuck on it’s back. Now every time she does it I cant help but laugh and say “TURTLE!” Obviously after a few seconds laughing at my pregnant girlfriend I help her up, I’m not that horrible. 

So guys, if you find yourself in a similar position to me, with a baby on the way and no idea what the hell you are doing…don’t panic. Men were brought onto this earth with the sole purpose of not having a clue what’s going on, it’s in our nature. We improvise and hope for the best. If you need some confidence building, just watch a few episodes of Jeremy Kyle, and just think you can’t do any worse than the guys on there!

 

 

 

One Comment

  • Isis Quirke

    Nice read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing some research on that. And he actually bought me lunch as I found it for him smile Thus let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch! “Procrastination is the thief of time.” by Edward Young.

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