relationship help

How To Keep The Spark in a Long Term Relationship

It is a common complaint for both men and women that after a certain amount of time, their relationships turn stale. Why this happens is a mystery. The spark that was there at the beginning of the relationship is gone and replaced by a dark cloud of nagging, moodiness and constant insults.

I’m definitely no relationship expert, very far from it, but there are a few tips I can give to get that ‘va va voom’ back into your love life.

1. Communicate

It may seem like an obvious point to make, but get your face out of your phone screen and talk to your partner! I’ve taken Amy out on dates before to a nice restaurant and other couples have been sat there both on their phones. I’m sat there thinking what is the point in even coming out, you could have done that at home and saved yourself some money. Communicating¬†doesn’t just mean sitting there watching your partner’s mouth open and close and replying with a grunt of approval. It means actually listening to what she has to say, and showing at least a small amount of interest. I must confess, I have asked Amy why she didn’t tell me something important, only to find that actually she told me the other day, when I was probably too busy picking my nose or some other disgusting habit.

2. Be Honest

I can say from experience that the best kind of relationships are the ones that involve complete honesty in everything. Once you start telling little white lies, it makes it a whole lot easier to start lying about more important things. If you don’t like something in your relationship, grow some balls and be honest about it. You may be in the dog house in the short term, but it’ll help in the long run. The worst thing to do is ignore a problem, and just learn to except it, and then go in a mood every time she does it. Why not just say you don’t like her cooking, take the slap to the face and move on. Least you won’t get food poisoning again! I must stress here that Amy’s cooking is exquisite, before I get in trouble by thinking of that example.

3. Go That Extra Mile

When you first start dating, you would do anything to make that person happy. So why do we stop doing this further on in the relationship? We go from a romance ninja to a hopeless couch potato within a few months. If you want to keep the spark, you need to put the effort in. When you come home from work, instead of collapsing on the sofa, go and kiss your partner on the forehead and find out how their day has been. It’s such a small gesture, but it can have such a huge impact. Give her random compliments, and try and do better than…”nice arse” or “yeah, you look alright”, because they suck! Put some imagination and thought into it. When she’s spent an hour getting ready, make a fuss over her when she walks in the room. Make her feel like all her effort is worth it.

4. Be Realistic in Your Expectations

Being realistic doesn’t mean that you have to settle and I’m not saying that you need to lower your standards. Being realistic in your expectations means accepting the fact that nobody is perfect, and that you are going to fight and drive each other crazy. The best type of relationship is one that is perfectly imperfect. Don’t shit your pants when things get tough, talk to each other and sort it out. When you’ve had a crappy day at work, you come home, calm down, and go again the next day. Apply that to your relationship.

5. Let Her Win From Time to Time

I can’t stress this one enough. Guys, sometimes you need to take one for the team and just say “yeah okay you’re right”. This doesn’t mean surrendering your backbone and living your life like a spineless slug who gets walked all over. Just occasionally let her see that you can compromise and see her point of view. There’s no shame in accepting defeat. Maybe that’s because I’m so used to losing by now. It’s too late for me, just save yourselves!


The bottom line is, if you want that spark back in your relationship, you need to ignite that fire yourself! The first step is to accept that you don’t make as much effort as you should. You next need to decide what you are going to do about it. No relationship is perfect, but you only get back what you put in. So go that extra mile, put that ‘I Love You’ note in her lunchbox, send her a nice text for when she finishes work or give her a thoughtful compliment when she least expects it. Use whatever romance ninja skills you have and get your relationship back on track!


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